All posts in Goofball Files

There’s a compulsion for writers…

And only writers know about this compulsion. I shouldn’t even be making this secret public, but I feel it is my duty to issue a warning…

The compulsion is…giving our characters a habit or action that we’ve seen other individuals do.

That’s right, you know what I’m talking about. Yeah, you.

You might see someone on the street walking by and doing something incredible interesting or even odd, and it catches your interest.

Yep, the odd intrigues my weird writer mind. You’ve heard of Spiderman’s “spidey senses”? Well, just call mine, “writey senses”.

I suddenly think, that odd quirk would be great for a character in a book. *rubbing hands together*

Unfortunately, half the time I forget these little ideas. I haven’t gotten that cool habit other writers have by carrying around a notebook or a voice recorder to save ideas for future use. Maybe I’ll pick up this habit in the future. Sure, I will.

But back to the warning…you must tread carefully when writing about other people’s habits.

The habit should belong to someone you don’t know.

Family and friends have to be off limits. It’s a common courtesy. Even though they are the ones you might know inside and out, the people you spend the most time with, it’s just not a good idea. You see, if you do this–and obviously this family/friend is going to read your book–immediately he will know what you have done.

Yes, you’ll be caught.

And then all hell could break loose. Chaos could erupt. The world as we know it will change!

Oh, wait, that’s a whole ‘nother topic, but you get my drift.

On the other hand, there is a way around this. If there’s something you feel you just have to write about. I mean, it’s totally on your mind day and night. You can’t even sleep!

Well, then you can ask permission to add the interesting habit to your book. The friend or family member could be flattered, annoyed, or both.

Just cover your bets and use bribery when you ask.

Have I asked someone to use his habit or quirk? No, but it has crossed my writey senses…:)

Okay, picture this. I’m driving along and that song comes on. You know the one where Jerry Maguire (Tom Cruise) is driving home from signing this big client and he’s dancing in his seat, and he starts singing, “And I’m freeeeeeee! Freeee fallllliin’!” by Tom Petty?

That was so me.

That song is like freaking contagious. It floats into your head and before you know it, you’re cranking up the volume, tapping the steering wheel and totally doing a Jerry Maguire.

Which was strange because I was taking some movies back to the rental and I checked the boxes and I forgot one, and I was cussing myself a new one, ticked off I drove all this way in lunch hour traffic and forgot to check the dang box before I left. *sigh*

So what did you learn from this post?

1) Check those DVD boxes before you take off all the way across town to return them.
2) Doing a Jerry Maguire Free Fallin’ imitation is a stress reliever.
3) And I probably have eaten too much Valentine’s Day chocolate…

I am a serious people watcher.

Okay, so I’m not a gawker or a stalker, more of an observer of people and their actions. And maybe that’s why I love reality shows about ordinary people who star on sitcoms such as The Real World, Big Brother, The Average Joes, The Cut and Survivor…you know, just to name a few.

One thing I’ve learned from these shows is that you can easily see people’s true colors, what their personalities are like when trapped with the same individuals for a matter of months. Thus coming to my point, I believe reality shows are a terrific resource for characterization.

So I’ve created the…

Top 10 Writer Characterization Resources From Reality TV Shows

1)Mannerisms of the Pick

Pick nose, pick butt, pick lips, pick food, pick nails, pick toes, pick hair…you get my drift.

2)Facial Expressions

Rrraaaarrrrr. The beast of anger that lives within the housemate. The eyes that widen, the eyebrows that plunge, the muscles that flex!! Or simply happy, sad, happy, sad, happy, happy, happy. =)

3)Attention Getters & Attention Avoiders

Attention Getters: “Lookie me, lookie me always, always, always!”

Attention Avoiders: “I’m just here to have fun.” (But I’m really being strategic and hoping to be so quiet, all the sudden I win the prize.)

4)Good guys & Bad Guys

Bad Guy: “Me soooo cool, you soooo not.”

Good Guy: “Come on, he’s a good guy.”

5)The Mask of Nerves

The Smile Mask

The Blank Expression Mask

The I’m Mad-Dogging Everyone Mask

6)The Walk

The slow, I have all summer to do nothing but play games, stab people in the back, and primp in the mirror Walk.

The Hurry, Hurry, Hurry, Omigod, I’m gonna miss something–did you know what this person said about this person, like, Omigod, Walk

7)Secret of Couch Sitting

This is an actual art in some countries. Now you didn’t get the Secret of Couch Sitting here, okay?

Male Species: Knees spread, hand on thigh (fingers spread), head back leaning against couch, usually with heavy eyelids, feigning coolness.

Female Species: Legs curled on couch, facing whoever they are talking to, one hand on calf, one elbow on back of couch holding up head, feigning non-interest in coolness, but really wanting to be coolness.

8)Casanovas

Those lonely souls who just need their arms wrapped around a body, their lips smacking on someone else’s 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, or they may just self-combust.

9)Yackety-yack-yack: 3 Archetypes of Talk

a)Silence. Talk. Silence. Talk

b)Talk, talk, talk, talkety, talk!

c)Silence.

10)Leaders & Followers & Rebels

Leaders: “I know what’s right, and I know what’s wrong. I will take you with me to the end. Follow me or else!”

Followers: “I’m hero-struck. I envy you, I want to be you. Take me with you.”

Rebels: “I follow no one, and I’ll still win.”

Hmmm, that about does it. So please watch your Reality TV Shows, you just may pick up something to round out your characters. ;D

I may not be posting this weekend, lots of things to get done for next week, but I’ll be sure to blog hop! Hope everyone has a great weekend!

I’m writing. I’m revising. I’m in the dark moment of my heroine. Me, heroine, connecting.

The bothersome telephone rings with the second blasted telemarketer today. Grrr.

But this guy’s good. Oh, he’s so good, he should write a book on telemarketing.

“Hello, hi, I’m so sorry to bother you. {{very sincere voice going on}} I’ve had your name and number for a couple of days now. I’m sorry, hold on one second…” {{papers shuffling}}

“Um, sorry, my name is Paul, and well, this will be the last time I bother you…but I just opened a carpeting business.”

{{Me, eye-rolling}}

“A brand new business, and I’ve hired 3 guys to help me out. I really need the business, and I promise to give you the best carpet and job that I can…”

“Uh, hello?” I say. This was taking way too long.

“We recently did this job, and the clients were very pleased–”

“Hello? Are you a real person or a recording?”

{{Keeps talking in sincerest voice in the world}}

Damn telemarketer ignoramus recording! {{Hang up a tad too roughly}} Doesn’t even have the decency to bother you with a actual person when you’re so in the zone.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Help! Help! You’ve heard of clueless? I’m blogless! I have nothing interesting to say, I have no gossip to spread, or opinions to rant, because I am in book, swallowed by book.

Me + book = going steady.

Every spare minute of the day, is bookfest. I get a phone call? Back of my brain is going, book, book, here book…

Okay, so it was a telemarketer, I don’t always listen to their words, but I’m a nice person. I don’t like to hang up while they’re trying to make money. Sometimes they ask for me and I can just say nope, not here. Sometimes they trick you and there’s no sound in the background and they use your first name only, like their your old friends or something and get you into their breathless pitch. (You know, where they don’t take a breath for like 5 minutes and go on and on…and ON.)

“Kelly, this special program on your credit card will be a safety net in case you or an authorized user should lose your job…”

Book, boooooook, boooooooooooook…

“Not only that but it only costs .95 cents for every dollar on your account…”

Bookie, bookie, boooooookie…”

“When your balance is zero, there will be no monthly fee…”

Bookie–bookie–bookie–

“Let me just send you a 30 day packet with no obligation…”

Book! Book!

“Is your address still–”

BOOooooook!!!

“Uh, er, no thanks!” Click.

{{Rush to laptop.}} Ah, nice book. Nice.

Filed under: Goofball Rebel Files

Do-do-do-do-do-do. [Twilight Zone theme song going on, in case you're wondering.]

Janet Mitchell walked in nice and slow into the WWRO–World Writer Rights Org–interrogation room, pulled out the metal chair, and sat ramrod straight, folding her hands on top of her file. “Thank you for agreeing to chat with us today, Rude Blog-Commenter Person.” Her eyebrows furrowed. “That’s a mouthful. Can I call you Rudy?”

Rudy shrugged a thick shoulder. “Uh, sure.”

“Are you comfortable? Can I get you something? Water?”

“Actually–”

“Good, good. Now, can you please tell us why you feel comfortable putting down other writers’ work on-line?”

He lifted his thick monobrow. “Because it makes me feel cool?”

“Cool. Okay. You see, Rudy, that just doesn’t cut it. I happen to believe a writer’s work is sacred to the writer. I mean, writing is hard, stressful, intricate work. Writers practically slave over creating new worlds, diving into someone else’s head, and bringing them to life.”

Rudy scratched his belly, letting out a wide jaw-cracking yawn.

“Anyone,” she went on, “who can write a book, whether it is good or bad, deserves a medal, and a trillion brownie points. Anyone who puts his/her heart out for the world to see, and has to read or watch people pick it apart, is one kick-butt individual.”

Rudy shifted his wide frame in his chair. “Hey, hey, hey. You’re picking on the wrong blog-commenter person.” He shoved a wide thumb into his chest. “I can kick butt with my stories too.”

She leaned back, crossing her arms. “Really? That’s great. Are you published?”

“Er. No.”

“Finished a book?”

Rudy licked his sausage lips. “Yeah.”

“How many?”

He scrubbed at his nose. “20. No–more like 50!”

“Super. Next question.” She made a show of examining her file, but knew every question by heart. “Did you know if you bashed an author in a blog’s comments, the author could actually read the comments if they googled themselves, or the character, or the book title. Because blog posts–as well as comments–are published on the World Wide Web. Did you consider this, Rudy?”

Rudy swallowed visibly, Adam’s apple doing a good bounce. “No. Why would the author google his name, book, or uh, character?”

She waved a hand in the air. “I don’t know. Maybe he’s bored. Maybe he’s curious. Maybe one of his friends does it. Doesn’t really matter. What does, is that it’s possible the bashed author could find your comment, and maybe just maybe, they come after you and ask you why you cut ‘em down on-line. They probably won’t sue–”

His eyes bulged. “WHAT??”

Had him now. “Oh yeah, you know, for slander. Did you ever think of this Rude–I mean–Rudy??”

Rudy flicked his eyes to the door. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Um, in fact, I don’t even know you.” He squinted in her direction. “Who are you really?”

“How kind of you to ask.” She rose from the chair, shoved it into under the table, and hands still on chair, leaned forward. “Name’s Janet Mitchell, and I eat guys like you for breakfast.”

A tear of sweat ran down Rudy’s face.

“But best of all, I’m a writer, and I would hate for someone to bash me or my work. Is it too much to ask, before you feel you need to put someone down in public, to ask yourself how you would feel if someone said or wrote that about you or your work?” With that said, she pushed off and headed for the door.

She heard Rudy’s chair crash to the floor behind her. “No one would dare! I am King!”

Opening the door, over her shoulder, she said, “Kinda all makes you go, hmmm, don’t it?”

NOTE: Extensive research was done to compile the signs below. There is no evidence–whatsoever–these characteristics are part of my life and I’m sticking to this statement. Thank you very much, please read on.

Signs of a disorganized writer…

-Once in a while you find things in strange places you’ve been missing. For example, there’s never a freaking pen when you need one, but somehow there are some in your make-up bag and two small screwdrivers?? Hmmm.

-It looks like a tornado hit your desk, with tipped over pencil holders, torn bits of paper, some weird statue thing your spouse brought home and have no idea where he got it from, and piles of edited manuscript pages. Poor desk.

-Wait a minute, you wonder, is there even a desk under that carnage???

-You find yourself rushing out the door to pick up your kid from school because you’re late for the 50th time.

-The toast, the bagel, the garlic bread have all been burned because of YOU. Bad, disorganized writer, bad.

-The water bill, relative birthday cards, and the cell phone bill are late into the mail yet again…

-The quick character notes you jotted down on the back of a receipt and stuffed in the pocket of your jeans while you were out, have been washed and now bits of white paper are stuck to all your clothes, your spouse’s, and the kids’.

-And that paper thing only happens when you GET to the laundry. (Which happens when someone runs out of clean underwear.)

-Your spouse calls you from work every hour to see if you did that thing he asked you to do, and you keep saying, “Uh, not yet. Soon.” Soon turns into later, later turns into night, and five minutes before your spouse returns home, you decide to rush around and finally do it. As well as straightening the front room, and starting dinner.

-Crap, you forgot to plan something for dinner. You grab the phone for take out. =)