It’s just a little less than a week before my debut into Romantic Suspense, Criminal Instinct, will be published…
I once read that anything created goes through a journey and has something like a birth chart. Such as when writers go through journeys with their careers, so do books from the day they are born or started. Pretty surreal, huh?
Criminal Instinct was born years ago, in a small ancient duplex on the older side of town in California. It was my first home with my husband and my first home away from my mother. The outside paint was the original sea blue, with shredded strips of paint in corners. The floors were wooden and scarred. I would have to scrub mold from the window panes. The first year we lived there, we discovered mice running through our rooms until I found a small hole under the stove where the mice would sneak through to get inside and I plugged it with foil. Haha. The water heater broke once a year, and the backyard grew weeds instead of grass.
But it was still our first home, filled with hand-me-down furniture, and with large throw rugs thrown on the floors.
We lived there eight years because we couldn’t afford to live anywhere else.
And in the back room, on an old Macintosh computer, I started writing Criminal Instinct, then titled Deadly Adam.
Of course, it was awful at first. My prose was stilted, my descriptions rough. I didn’t even understand story structure, or character arcs. A little while later, I upgraded to my first iBook (that crashed and burned) and then to a chunky Toshiba laptop, and finally to a big, heavy iMac. Once I finished the book, I rewrote it again and began to cold query literary agents.
Even when I had two interested agents, I couldn’t believe it. This really seemed like it was happening to someone else. I finally chose an agent in Colorado. She was really nice and I knew she was a strong business woman. Not only that, but I believed my father had given me a sign.
My father, who I had a tremulous relationship since I was a little girl, had one day up and left to Colorado after my wedding without telling anyone in the family. He had lived in the same California town all his life. I managed to track him down and get a phone number. He told me he was happy, that he was doing good, and I believed him.
But I think I knew, my father never did well on his own.
Months later, I was pregnant and wanted him to know. His phone had been disconnected. I went to the people who he still had contact with, so he would know he would be a grandfather. The people said they’d get him the message to call me.
He never did.
Six months after my son was born, a detective came to my door and told me my father had died in Colorado and gave me a phone number. I was in shock and in tears. I called my aunt, who always took care of the boys in our family and she discovered my father died of Pneumonia.
I never spoke with my father again and he never met his grandson. And because he passed away in Colorado, I felt signing with this agent was his way of telling me this was the right decision.
So I did. We worked on Criminal Instinct for about 6 months, and then went on submission. Criminal Instinct made it to a couple of acquisitions before it was denied. Finally, Harlequin had my book for 11 months and bought it for the Bombshell line.
It was one of the best days of my life. I really believe my father had given me the right sign. When I was sent a box of his belongings from Colorado, inside his wallet was some money, his license, his social security card, and a post-it. On the post-it was a message: Your daughter is pregnant, she wants you to call her.
Finding the note has always made me feel like our father and daughter relationship has always been unfinished.
Months after my sale, the Bombshell line had closed. I sold two YA books and was able to finally move out of that old duplex into a roomier and brighter home. Criminal Instinct was put away for a few years until now…
Sadly, I’m no longer with the agent, but now Criminal Instinct has been given a new chance, or a rebirth, with Carina Press. I look back at this book’s journey and the events in my life that surrounded it. And even if readers don’t enjoy Criminal Instinct—because there are still rough areas in this book since it was my first—I will know of the journey it took and me with it.
It will make the publication all the more special, like this book has finally come full circle. And yes, I still look for signs from my father on what decisions to make next…
