I’m on a personal mission.
Several aspects happened over the last two years that created something that festered inside of my writer self. Something that writers are not supposed to talk about.
And the big secret is: I lost confidence as a writer.
For a while I didn’t know if I still wanted to be a writer. I no longer had an agent. I didn’t have a new contract after I sold Criminal Instinct. I kept telling myself I had to write, but write what?
Where was my heart and head telling me to go??
Not only that, but my home life became my main focus while we struggled to buy our first home. I pushed away my fears of my writing career to focus on a home that almost didn’t happen, but finally did after months! Then it took several months after the move to organize our family life.
After things settled down, the writing reality came back. I still had no agent. No contract. I would write in blasts of energy, then not write for weeks. I closed my blog, and I went back to work.
Well, this last month, something changed. I’m not going lie, the lack of confidence still lurks behind me like the Writer Boogeyman ready to pounce. I’m not sure what exactly changed, but I started to see things a little more clearly again. Not only was I going through a life transformation (new home, new job, children growing up) but so was publishing.
I realized I had to brush off my dusty laptop. And get ready to start all over again. To re-educate myself on an industry that was basically mutating. Agents had to adjust, publishers had to adjust, and so did writers.
So do I.
So what’s my solution? To treat myself as a writer. Believe in myself. Take baby steps to build my writer confidence again. Take a few chances…again.
Yeah, this may seem a little silly. Giving myself steps to build my confidence, to basically rebuild myself as a writer. But that’s okay. Whatever works, right?
Write a little bit each day.
Even if it’s nonsense. Even if no one will ever read it. Even if you write a scene and later think you are going to cut it. Repetition becomes habit. And an everyday writing habit? A good thing.