I swear, I’ve been like a promo feign these past couple of weeks. No school due to winter break, no writing as I wait to hear about my recent project, and I’ve been planning ahead for the release of Graffiti Girl. Like you guys haven’t been able to tell from the last couple of posts, huh? heh. The reason is that once I get the go-ahead on the next project, I’m going to be writing and it will be really difficult to concentrate on promo opportunities.

So I’m lining things up, so to speak. Being prepared.

Oh goody.

And the craziest thing has been happening, I’ve been itching to start another novel, possibly a Romantic Suspense with a paranormal element. You would think I would have learned my lesson, that maybe RS isn’t for me. I had several single title houses reject my first RS novel.

But some voice in my head just says, “Well, that was that novel. You (as in me) could write something better.”

Then I wonder, why don’t I just give up on romantic suspense? Why do I keep falling down, then getting back up and brushing myself off just to go again? Why can’t I just write YA? Why am I going to put myself through more rejections? Why do I keep going like a damn energizer bunny, and going, and going…

Why, why, why?

And all I can answer is that there’s this drive inside me.

It’s just there, a part of me. Believe me, it goes away. There are days I want to stop busting my butt on something and just stop being stressed. Stop worrying. Stop asking no one in particular, “Why can’t anything be easy??” And if you have this idea there was some adult figure in my youth who told me often, “You can do it, Kelly. You can do anything you want,” squash it. I can’t remember anyone telling me that, either.

But then I think back and I remember some not-so-great stuff and how I overcame some trippy phase in my life, and this is where this idealism comes from that I can do more if I just work hard at it. I can maybe reach my goals if I just try, and well, maybe I won’t reach them. We’ll just have to see…

Yes, this is a really weird blog post. But this is me being idealistic. Believe me, you don’t want to see me when I’m being a total goof ball.

It’s scary. Really…